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My life became soundless, drained of shape and color. This was my first real experience of loss – I couldn’t even put up a fight against everything breaking me down. My life had been condensed down to fit inside four walls, and I had no intention of opening the door.My earlier ebullience gone, my interests evaporated. The outside world continued as normal: the hum of passing cars, the chatter of small children on the street. The monotony of my grief was interrupted by a thought that slipped into my mind one afternoon.I learned about this book from a fellow author I met at a suicide loss support group.I purchased the Kindle version this weekend and read it in less than two hours; I could not put it down.I learned soon enough that grief doesn’t give you a break. You have to fight and persist persist persist with teeny tiny baby steps.Acknowledging this thought, saluting it sincerely, and realizing the tiresome old cliché of allowed me to start moving away from my sadness.We had a few miles to go, so I carried my daughter. My focus had to be on my community of friends that are my family.I didn’t mind carrying her; I still had that urge to cling to her and keep her close. I not only have the strength to keep it together mentally and emotionally but I also have the strength to carry my daughter home. That urge to cling to my family while keeping our foundation strong didn’t mesh well with continuing to date the man I’d been seeing. He, too, had been feeling a lot of the same emotions I was experiencing: hopelessness; fear; uncertainty about the future; panic over having to talk to my 9-year-old about anything that might come up at school, or what to do in the instance of sexual assault. I need to fiercely love the people close to me instead of learning to love someone new.

It’s something to be done for distraction’s sake, or to ease the emotional aches and pains.No one should expect his/her new love to live in a museum to a dead love or to man up daily against feelings of jealousy or inadequacy.There is nothing obvious in our home that points to the fact that both Rob and I have deceased spouses.I suggest you have a glass of wine while you read this book.This is a great book to pass around with your girlfriends and share their own stories of grief, sex and dates. I know what all my girlfriends are getting for Christmas this year.

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Like a fine wine, you'll see it in time What you had up on your tongue Passin' on me, don't know what you leave Guess I left your tastebuds numb You got it easy but your taste is cheap Then you need to clear your palate I won't be puttin' up with this [Chorus: Grace] Boys like you with me should know it's an honor Know it's honor Girls like me, oh we got too much to offer Too much to offer Boys like you with me should know it's an honor Know it's honor Girls like me, oh we got too much to offer Too much to offer [Bridge: Grace] Funny how the best ones are so screwed Funny how they mess with guys like you Caught up in the moment, bendin' rules Funny how the best ones are so screwed [Verse 3: Lil Yachty] Lil Boat!

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